A Guide On Sexy Role Play To Make Your Partner Believe They Are Doing It With A Stranger

By Massimo Jenkins – Nov 10, 2022

Women learning our role play guide
Table of Contents

Trigger Warning: consensual punishment, bondage, kink, fetish

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1) What is sexual roleplay / adult roleplay?

In sexual role play, consenting partners take on a different character than their own and let these characters interact with each other during sex. Usually, a specific scenario, such as “boss and employee,” is played out.¬†

2) Why should you even consider this kink?

1. Spice it up: Sex in many long-term relationships gets boring. Role playing sex is an excellent way to spice it up, especially when costumes are involved.

2. Costumes and scenarios: Some people get really turned on by visuals and will definitely enjoy a sexy costume. But others are more turned on by the connection or scenario. For the latter, the role play itself can be a huge turn-on. 

3. Sex with a different character: Some couples might even consider opening up their relationship to have sex with other people. While this might work in some cases, I recommend to first trying out role play. It allows you to have sex with another character without actually having sex with another person. 

4. Impossible fantasies: You get to explore impossible fantasies. For example, do you secretly fantasize about Aragorn from Lord of the Rings? Or Lara Croft? In adult role play, those fantasies can come true. 

5. Explore a new character risk-free: Sexual roleplay lets you temporarily take on a new character. You can play a character that has contradictory traits to your own personality. 

For example, if you are usually submissive, you might want to play a dominant character. In case you don’t like your role, you break character and step out of the scenario. But don’t forget about aftercare (explained later).¬†

6. Try out taboo fantasies: For example, if you feel uncomfortable having sex with a stranger, but the thought makes you horny, you can act it out with your partner of trust. Others may enjoy age play, such as a “step-mom” scenario, which they could safely explore in roleplay.¬†

7. Escape your everyday stress: This will happen naturally as you focus on the scenario and act out your new character. You should check out the “massage therapist” scenario to incorporate a relaxing massage.¬†

3) How do you bring up the topic with my partner?

I urge you to ask this question outside the bedroom. This way, your partner will have time to consider your proposal without feeling pressured.

Before dropping the question, I recommend thinking about some possible scenarios you would like to play out. Since your partner might have some follow-up questions.

1. Option 1 – The direct approach:¬†In a relaxed environment, maybe when chilling on your couch, tell your partner, “I sometimes fantasize about role playing with you. Would you be willing to give it a try?”

2. Option 2 – More subtle approach:¬†We have written an article about 111+ different role play scenarios. Open that article; at the top, you can share it via various social media channels. Then, share it with your partner and ask them, “Check this article out. Are there any scenarios you would like to try?”. Trust me, they will be curious enough to at least read and discuss it with you.¬†

3. Option 3 – The dream approach:¬†Tell him you had a role play sex dream of the both of you. Something like: “Babe, I had such a hot dream of us last night. You were my teacher and punished me for not doing my homework, haha”. If he tells you, “that’s so hot,” suggest playing it out.¬†

4. Option 4 – The incognito approach:¬†Watch a movie where a typical hot role play scenario occurs. For example, the 2002 “Secretary” movie. In the scene where he spanks his secretary, you might comment something like “that was hot” and wait to see for any reaction. Or you might ask him, “do you find that scenario hot?”. If he does, suggest acting it out in the bedroom.¬†¬†

4) Which scenario should you choose?

Check out this blog post with over 111 different scenarios to choose from. The blog post also covers how to design and prepare your chosen scene.

5) How to roleplay and take on a character

1. Preparation: While you don’t need a complete script of your role play, you should agree on how the role play should develop. I recommend thinking about at least the first sentence starting the scenario. Another question to ask yourselves is: When will you transition to sex? 

Suppose you are scared of not knowing what to do or say during the roleplay. In that case, I recommend you both think about 5 sentences you could say during the roleplay. Then, learn them by heart before starting your scenario.

2. Shame and Taboo: Just because you want to roleplay a schoolgirl scenario does not mean you want to have sex with an underage girl. The same applies to degradation, BDSM, or age play. 

Consensually taking advantage of someone can be extremely hot for both partners. Just make sure to always have their consent. I encourage you to put your shame aside and try to act out your character will confidence and energy. 

3. Acting: While roleplaying, think about how your character would react to the specific scenario. 

As an example, I take the “Step-sister and step-brother” scenario. A logical reaction to seeing your step-brother masturbate would be acting in shock and being awkward. But, on the other hand, a not-so-logical reaction would be to jump up and down in joy. 

If you don’t know what to say, refer back to one of your 5 sentences. Your partner will automatically react to your sentence, and you will be back in your scenario.

4. Practice creates master: It is normal to laugh, forget your line or feel embarrassed. Just remember that your shyness and acting skills will improve over time. I encourage you to give role play more than just one try. 

6) Roleplay tips to overcome shyness

1. Relax: Do a couple of long deep breaths into your stomach to relax your nervous system. Anxious people tend to tighten up and breathe shallow, making them more anxious. 

2. Use props and costumes: Costumes will make roleplay soooo much easier. They get you into character, and verbally taking on your new personality will be less awkward.

3. You are in the same boat! Realize that you are turning your partner on. Even if your partner is laughing, this does not mean he is laughing about you. He probably is laughing about the situation or because they themselves are embarrassed. This will get better with time. 

4. Set expectations:¬†Before you start, set the right expectations. Tell your partner something like: “I just want to clarify that I might feel uncomfortable during the act and want to stop early.” This way, your partner will not have high expectations, and you do not have to worry about meeting high expectations.

5. Drink some alcohol: Do not get drunk because this might make you do things you are not comfortable with. But a tiny winy bit of Alkohol might help you loosen up. 

6. Remember this: You are not being watched. The only person who sees you is your loving and respectful partner, who also agreed to do this. 

7) How to role play when you can't stop laughing?

1. Incorporate the laugh:¬†You can incorporate the laughter into the play. For example, suppose your partner is the police officer who wants to fine you. He might have to punish you for disrespectfully laughing at you. Or: “I’m sorry, Professor. Sometimes I laugh when I’m nervous. I must pass this class. What can I do to get my grade up?”¬†

2. Choose a scenario with little dialogue:¬†If you tend to giggle when nervous, try a role playing scene in which you don’t have to talk a lot, or your partner is in control. Examples include the “Massage therapist” or the “Steamy Aromatherapy” scenarios. Once you start to feel a sexual charge, the discomfort will likely subside.¬†

3. Start with an easy scenario:¬†Laugh about the situation together and then get back to the role play. Start with easy role play and later increase the degree of the adventurousness of the role play. Easy role plays are the following: “Sleepover,” “The professor and the student,” or “Spicy poker.”

8) How to guarantee safety and wellbeing

1. Mindset:¬†Agree on a non-kink-shaming attitude. Do not negatively judge your partner’s role play suggestions but be clear if you do not want to participate in a specific act.¬†

2. Communication before starting: Always have a conversation about consent before jumping into the role play. Ask your partner what he wants the role play to include. This might be light spanking or rope bondage. 

And definitely ask them what their limits are. Do they like being punished with canes and floggers? Some people like verbal degradation, and some don’t. Clarify what words are okay and which make them feel unwell. For example, do they like being called a “little dirty slut”?¬†

3. Traffic light system: Remember that consent can be taken back anytime. Your partner might have agreed to your specific scenario but might not like the direction it is going. To be able to communicate this properly I recommend the traffic light system.

“Red” means “stop immediately and check in with your partner.” “Yellow” means “they are good, but you are approaching their limits, do not intensify.” “Green” means “all good.”

It’s definitely helpful to check in with your partner from time to time. For example, ask them, “what color are we currently,” and they can answer with the corresponding color.¬†

This system works better than “no” or “stop” because sometimes these words can be part of the scenario. One example would be consensual domination.¬†

Besides the traffic light system, let your partner know when you do or do not enjoy something. 

9) Aftercare

After the role play, you should take time to get back to reality and discuss how it went. Did you both enjoy the act? Was there anything that made you feel uncomfortable? What would you like to change about the roleplay? Put aside some time to cuddle or to take a warm bath together.

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